I didn't think I was going to enjoy this episode (seriously, WHO CARES about Nikki and Paulo?) but I truly did. A lot of this episode seemed like it was the writers making fun of the show, which was awesome.

Nikki is running through the jungle, looking terrified and sick. She stops to haphazardly bury something in the dirt, then makes it to the beach, where Hurley is kicking Sawyer's ass at ping pong again. She collapses, and mumbles something that my closed captioning said was "p...ls." Then she goes very still, her eyes still open. Sawyer wants to get her some water, but then Hurley stops him. "Dude," he says, "Nikki's dead."

Sawyer retorts, "Who the hell's Nikki?" Hee! See, the show is making fun of itself!

We flashback to Nikki, or "Corvette, the pride of St. Paul," stripping on a stage (awesomely, to "Rump Shaker!") She sees something suspicious, leaves the stage, and goes into the back room, where, even more awesomely, Billy Dee Williams is sitting in a chair wearing a pimptastic suit and hat. Sci-fi nerds everywhere, including my boyfriend, rejoice. She realizes that "Mr. LaShade" is stealing money for an orphanage and LaShade pumps a bunch of bullets in her chest. "Corvette" falls to the ground.

Nikki as "Corvette"

A director yells "cut," Nikki gets up and tells Billy Dee that it was great to work with him (Billy Dee played himself on Lost! How f*cking cool!) Turns out that Nikki is just a character on "Exposé," a tv show that films in Sydney. The elderly director, Howard, tells Nikki that he can bring her back to life on the show if she wants. She says no and tells him that she loves him.

Billy Muthaf*ckin' Dee Williams!

Later, Nikki and Howard are eating breakfast and she compliments the food. He credits his new personal chef and calls him out from the kitchen. It's Paulo! Nikki and Paulo are introduced and Paulo goes back to the kitchen. Howard tells Nikki how Paulo kept showing up at his office every day until he gave her the job. He offers Nikki a roll and when she takes it, she sees a diamond bracelet underneath. Howard is about to say something about his "wife" but instead, drops dead.

Nikki calls for Paulo. Surprise! They knew each other, and Paulo poisoned Howard's food. Nikki grabs a key off of a chain around Howard's neck and they go into his closet. Paulo is about to light a cigarette but Nikki makes him stop ("ashes are evidence") and they open a secret safe with the key. There is a Russian matryoshka doll inside the safe. Whatever is inside the doll makes Nikki say "Razzle freakin' dazzle."

A few days later, Nikki and Paulo are at the Sydney airport. Paulo reads a news article that says that Howard died of heart failure. Shannon and Boone come by, bickering their asses off (I miss Shannon SO much) and Nikki makes Paulo promise that they'll never be like that. Paulo also tells Nikki he quit smoking and shows her his new nicotine gum.

Meanwhile, in present-day island time, Hurley, Sawyer, Jin, Sun, and Charlie are trying to figure out what killed Nikki. Sawyer notes that her fingernails are dirty, like she'd been digging, and says that her last word was something like "plywood." Hurley says that it was "power lines," but then thinks that she waid "Paulo lies." The group goes off to find Paulo...

And find him dead, just like Nikki. His pants are unzipped and one of his shoes is in a tree.

Jin thinks the monster killed them and Hurley agrees. He tells Sawyer how he heard that, before Eko died, he said "You're next," and Nikki and Paulo were there. Sawyer disagrees, thinking that "you're next" means ALL the castaways in general.

The gang search through Nikki and Paulo's stuff and find Arzt's insect collection, a script for Nikki's TV show (Hurley is a fan) and a walkie-talkie. Sawyer says that it's just like the ones that all the Others had, and believes that they were working with the Others. Sun brings up the fact that one of the Others attempted to kidnap her, and Charlie and Sawyer exchange worried glances.

Back to the flashback.

80 days ago - Flight 815 has just crashed on the beach and Nikki is running around, frantic. Shannon is standing still, shrieking for Boone (I've seen that footage dozens of times and it still never ceases to bring a lump to my throat), Jin yells for Sun, Arzt is there being silly as usual, and then Nikki sees Paulo, sitting by the water, in shock. She runs to him, asks him if he's okay, and, without even waiting for an answer, asks him where the bag is.

Right after the crash

75 days ago - Nikki and Paulo are looking through the luggage when Ethan approaches, offering to give them some clothes. They say that they're just looking for Paulo's nicotine gum, and suggests looking inland, then leaves. Arzt runs by, saying that Boone took the water. Mayhem ensues, and Jack makes his famous "live together, die alone" speech.

57 days ago - Nikki finds Arzt, who has collected 20 new species of insects on the island, to ask him what he knows about trajectories. She flirts with him a bit and he tells her about the Medusa spider he found, whose pheromones would attract a crapload of male spiders. Then he draws her a map of where the luggage might be. Nikki and Paulo trek through the jungle and find the drug smuggler's plane, still nestled up in the canopy of the trees. Nikki tells Paulo to climb up to see if there's a radio, but he says that the plane will fall and he'll die. Then, they see the Pearl Hatch, right below the plane. Paulo wants to climb down there, but Nikki won't let him.

48 days ago - Arzt and Shannon are bitching Kate out for not telling everyone that she found the marshall's case with guns in it. Nikki wants to know where Kate found the case, and Kate tells her about the lagoon. Nikki and Paulo go to the lagoon and Nikki tells Paulo to dive in and look for their bag. When he resists, she says that she had sex with Howard, the least he could do is go for a swim. She says that whatever is in the bag is worth $8 million. Paulo dives in and sees the bag, but resurfaces and tells Nikki that he didn't find it. She leaves and he dives under again to get the bag.

32 days ago - Paulo is digging a hole on the beach. Locke sees him and suggests that he find a better place to hide whatever he wants to hide, since the beach is eroding. Paulo heads inland and goes down into Pearl Station. He takes the matryoshka doll and hides it in the tank of the toilet (or, as my boyfriend calls it, "the good ol' upper deck.") He hears something and hides in the bathroom. Ben and Juliet come in and Paulo listens in. Ben tells Juliet to have Tom cover the hatch with the drug plane. They talk about getting Jack to perform surgery, and Ben says that they'll use Michael to capture Kate, Sawyer, and Jack. Then they leave, leaving a walkie-talkie on the table. Paulo takes it and leaves.

9 days ago - Locke invites Nikki and Paulo to investigate the Pearl Station. Paulo goes to the bathroom and hides a pouch taken from the matryoshka doll in his undies.

Meanwhile, back in present time again (this eppy is a b*tch to recap), Sawyer takes out a gun and says he's going to make a "perimeter sweep."

Hurley asks Desmond if his psychic powers can help them figure out how Nikki and Paulo died. Desmond says it doesn't work that way and Hurley tells him that his superpowers are lame (hee!) But Desmond says that he saw Nikki yelling at Sawyer earlier that day.

Hurley confronts Sawyer, who says that, yes, Nikki was yelling at him because she wanted a gun, and he wouldn't give her one. Hurley asks why Sawyer wanted to do a perimeter sweep and he said that he could tell, from Nikki's fingernails, that she'd just buried something, and that it must've been something important. So he'd gone to see what it was. Sawyer pulls out a pouch of diamonds, and gives them to Sun.

Meanwhile, Charlie confesses to Sun that he was the one who kidnapped her. He tells her how it was Sawyer's plot to get the guns back and how he just wanted to get back at Locke. He apologizes and tells her that he never meant to hurt her. Sun just walks away silently.

Later, Sawyer is digging a grave for Nikki and Paulo. Sun confronts him about her kidnapping, and returns the diamonds, saying they have no value on the island. He asks if she's going to tell Jin, and she says no, because then they'd have to dig another grave. Then, she awesomely socks Sawyer in the jaw, and leaves.

Flashback time again.

12 hours ago - Nikki sits on the beach, sad that Thanksgiving passed two weeks ago. Paulo comforts her and says that it's best that they didn't find the diamonds. He gets up and leaves, but his nicotine gum has fallen out of his pocket. Nikki realizes that if he has the gum, he has the diamonds. Girlfriend is PISSED and goes to Sawyer for a gun. He refuses, they fight, Desmond watches.

8 hours ago - Nikki brings Paulo out to the jungle. She confronts him about the diamonds, and he denies it, so she shows him a bottle with Arzt's Medusa spider. She throws it at him, and it bites him on the neck. She tells him that one bite will paralyze a victim for up to 8 hours, so completely that they will appear to be dead. Paulo collapses and Nikki looks for the diamonds. First she looks in his shoe, throwing it into a tree, then finds the diamonds in his underwear. Unfortunately for Nikki, the Medusa spider's pheromones attract more spiders, one of which bites Nikki.

She runs away, stops to bury the diamonds, makes it to the beach, and collapses in front of Hurley and Sawyer, croaking out the word "paralyzed" before completely shutting down.

In real time again, Sawyer shuts Nikki's eyes with his fingers and the gang put Nikki and Paulo in the large grave Sawyer dug. Hurley delivers a Hurley-esque eulogy and then the Losties begin to bury Nikki and Paulo.

The last thing we see is Nikki's eyes suddenly open, as she realizes that she and Paulo are buried alive under a huge mound of dirt.

Duh-duh-DUMMMMMM!

So, there you go. I really did like this eppy. I heart Shannon so it was awesome to see her again, even if it meant having to see the insipid Boone as well. And we found out some cool stuff, like how Nikki and Paulo discovered the drug plane and Pearl Station LONG before the A-Team Losties, but never said anything. And how Paulo knew of the Others' plot to kidnap Jack, Kate, and Sawyer but didn't do a damn thing to stop it.

I may be in the minority, but I liked Nikki and I'm sorry to see her go. I'm glad Paulo's gone, though. That guy was an ass.